if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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