i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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