a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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