I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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