Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
