You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
even my farts smell like vagina
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I want her autograph on my taint
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
