I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
