Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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