C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
