But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize