Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
