so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
