i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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