My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
