Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize