Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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