GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
