Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
