The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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