I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I need a beard to bite.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
