I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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