My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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