and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Randomize
