How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
