hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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