I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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