I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
