i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize