I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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