my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
