i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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