Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
