North Korea, Best Korea!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
