Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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