i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
