She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize