whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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