She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
