I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
