I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
