question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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