Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
