how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just gargled with NyQuil
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
