So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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