And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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