I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
