i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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