Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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