Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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