lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
