She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
