I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
