I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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