NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
