I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
