They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
