I never want to see another naked old woman again.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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