I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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