Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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