Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
