so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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