The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
