break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
