I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
