yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
