TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
