No stitches, just platelets and will power
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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