Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
