I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
