if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Operation Purity has been aborted
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
