Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
