He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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