he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
