Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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