The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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