Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize