wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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