anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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