literally had 100 drinks last night.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
