i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize