this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize