so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
