Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize