I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
