Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
