Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
