I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
