she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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