is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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