Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
