i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
