doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
