I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
