he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
