i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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