He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
