I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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