The beer is more important than you right now.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
