Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
