Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
