i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
