well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
