The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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